Category: Miscellaneous reviews

The Nation’s Capital of Fun!

Starr2 Comments

Today, I went to Six Flags America because my boyfriend’s dad’s company had reserved the entire park for a family fun day for all employees. I think it’s nice for companies to spend money on nice things like that for their employees. Personally, even though I sometimes feel weird about companies spending their money on employees in crazy ways, I think that letting employees and their families have a fun day at Six Flags once a year is a nicer and better use of money than flying people around first class everywhere to stay in presidential suites and eat at really expensive restaurants.
That’s just me.

Anyway. Our group was me, my boyfriend, two of my closest friends, and my younger brother. I was actually pleasantly surprised that my brother agreed to come with us, because he said no thanks the first time I asked him a few weeks ago. I know that he just started college, so I figured him wanting to spend time with his new friends there combined with a very natural teenage aversion to spend time with his big sister who feels a compulsion to embarrass him as much as possible to make up for my parents not being able to.

Snickers ad on the side of a wooden roller coaster
Fun Snickers ad I saw when walking into the park

I had so much fun!

It was a really warm and beautifully sunny day today. We arrived at the park at about 11:00 AM, and we set off immediately for a roller coaster before the lines started getting too long. We rode Apocalypse, which is a stand-up roller coaster and does little things like blow fire and smoke near you. (Whoa there.) This was decently fun, but it did shake us around quite a bit. We thought this was the “headache coaster,” as my brother warned.

We were mistaken. The “headache coaster” is wooden roller coaster Roar. Wooden roller coasters tend to shake a lot, and Roar is no exception. I still have a bit of a headache from how much that ride thrashed me about in my seat. It was pretty painful. I will not be riding that again simply because I was really uncomfortable with how much my head hurt afterward.

After that rough experience, we took it easier with High Seas, which is your standard swinging ship ride. While it’s a great deal tamer than the roller coasters we had just experienced, it gave us just enough of a thrill, too. The moment of zero gravity you experience when you’re at the top of a rotation is pretty fun, but can be harrowing for more timid riders. (Like my friends, who I spotted clutching each other for dear life.)

Having settled down and calmed our heads, we went on The Mind Eraser, which loops around quite a lot but was not as jolting to my head as Roar was. We liked this roller coaster quite a bit, especially since it didn’t hurt us as much as Roar did…

We had some time, so we stopped to watch the Pirate Hunters show. I was very skeptical of the show that promised humor and stunts, but the show actually delivered really well. The jokes were REALLY funny. The risk that a lot of these shows take and fail with is being too campy or trying TOO hard. I think Pirate Hunters tried pretty hard, but they had a lot of really good jokes and were not afraid of laughing at themselves. They incorporated some popular culture references into the jokes, and while sometimes those seem really poorly executed, theirs were great. (“Yes, I started from the bottom. Now I’m here. Now the whole team’s here!”) Great job. I underestimated them. The stunts and physical humor were okay, but also better than I expected. (“Parkour!”)

Photo of myself with my friends and the cast of "Pirate Hunters"
From left to right: “Quartermaster”, “Chef Linguini”, Jen, Molly, “Captain Dante”, Me, “James”

We also did some bumper cars before heading off to lunch. (Although I was lapped a few times, I think I was able to bump into my friends more than they were able to bump into me or each other. That’s a win in my book!)

The company sponsoring Family Fun Day also had a great lunch spread ready for us. I ate a hot dog, a hamburger, potato salad, pasta salad, fruit salad, chips, and a cherry-flavored ice pop. And some delicious orange Hi-C to wash everything down on this hot hot day. Omnomnomnomnom.

We obviously didn’t want to go on any roller coasters after gorging ourselves at the lunch picnic, and it was really quite hot out, so we headed straight for Shipwreck Falls. This is the ride you go on if you want to be drenched. Avoid this ride if you do not wish to be soaked. This was maybe our first actual line that we encountered, since it was a hot day. We sat in the back, with all of us being a little worried about our shoes (which we were required to wear), socks, jeans, etc. Since we were sitting in the back, we got the FULL BRUNT of the splash of our little boat PLUS the splashing of water falling off the bridge above us.
Needless to say, I was soaked through and through. Since we were already as wet as we basically could get, we decided to stand on the bridge upon exiting, because the bridge is where you REALLY feel the entire wave of water that is splashed up. (I don’t think you have to ride the ride to go up the bridge, since it’s up by the exit, but mostly only people who are leaving the ride wait there and get WHOMPED ON by water.)

Soaking wet, we walked about to ride another water ride, since we were already as wet as we could get. We rode on Renegade Rapids, which is a significantly less wet ride and this park’s version of the rapids ride where you sit in a big circular raft and get bumped and splashed by rapids. We may have worried some people stepping off our raft, since we were still drenched from Shipwreck Falls.

Then we headed for The Joker’s Jinx. I have to say that my favorite roller coasters were in the Gotham City area of the park, because they didn’t jerk me around and were fast and fun. Joker’s Jinx loops and twists a lot, but was a good deal of fun and helped my hair dry! Score! XD Also, this coaster launches you out at the start rather than having you make a slow ascent, so you go from 0 to 60 mph in about 3 seconds. This startled the bejeezus out of my friends, who decided they did not want to ride Joker’s Jinx after all.

Then we went on Ride of Steel, the Superman ride. This is the tallest roller coaster in the park. It is the type of roller coaster that has a very high ascent and a very steep descent. Very fun but also very smooth, since it didn’t really thrill you by jerking you around corners and twists, although you weren’t completely upright the entire ride. There were bends and turns, but the ride felt very nice and smooth. I’m only sorry that my friends got a bit scared and wouldn’t ride this one with us either.

Our last ride of the day was Batwing, the Batman ride. The line was quite long here, as it was nearing the end of the day and I guess it’s a popular ride anyway. You sit down in your seat, but then the seat reclines until you’re horizontal, and you make your ascent with your back facing the peak of the ride. Then you are flipped around and you soar over the park, getting dangerously close to the ground with nothing between you and the grass but the air and your restraints. It’s a really fun ride.

All in all, I had a super duper amazing great time. I’m glad I got to spend time with my friends and my brother and my boyfriend, and I hope they all had as much fun as I did. 🙂

Leaving the Park

Comedy Disaster

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This past Thursday, we had our annual fall comedy show, SEE. We had an unusual two opening acts – Jermaine Fowler and Michael Ian Black –  and a headliner that I wasn’t very excited about: Craig Robinson.

Allow me to set the scene just a smidge. The past 3 years, I’ve absolutely loved our fall comedy show. My first one featured Russell Peters, who was then basically the only stand-up comic that I was really familiar with. Kevin Nealon opened for him, and he’s a legend in his own right. My sophomore year, Demetri Martin was fantastic and Mike Birbiglia, the opening act, was really hilarious. SEE does a good job of finding people who have different styles of comedy. Last year, we had Aziz Ansari, and he is sooooo funny. I was really happy with our comedy lineups for my first three years, so I was really eagerly anticipating the announcement of our comic for this year. (Fingers were crossed for Donald Glover!) They announced him late, but then we finally got it.

Craig Robinson. With Jermaine Fowler and Michael Ian Black opening.

So, I have never really seen anything that Craig Robinson has been in. I don’t watch The Office much at all, and I haven’t really seen the movies that he’s been in. (No, I haven’t seen Pineapple Express.) I was considering not going at all, but I’m extremely sentimental, so I decided I did have to go to my final homecoming show. Plus, my friend twisted my leg, and I really only get to see him at this show once a year. Although I was worried that the tickets would be sold out, I had no trouble at all securing my seat.

I saw why when I arrived.

Since I’m not a big fan of Craig, and I didn’t know our openers at all, I opted not to wait in line as soon as I got out of work. Doors opened at 6:30, so I could’ve head there straightaway, but I decided to put my things down and eat dinner first. I headed over around 7, expecting to see the usual line winding around the building and down the street since I had arrived after doors opened.
This was false. I was able to wait near the front, with my friend saving my place having only arrived a few minutes before me. The doors hadn’t been open yet, and they didn’t open for another 15 minutes. (Fail #1: Doors opened 45 minutes late.) I didn’t think much of it, it just meant that I didn’t have to wait that long despite coming to wait in line relatively late.

When I was seated and the show started, I realized that… the arena was really empty. Eerily so. The shows I had attended in previous years were always sold-out. The floor seats, that are nearer the talent and cost a little more, were only half full. The other seats were even more pitifully empty. (Fail #2: Poor audience attendance. This reflects 2 sub-fails: Fail#2a: Poor gauging of what the student body wanted, and Fail #2b: Poor marketing efforts.)

Jermaine Fowler was really funny though. He has that casual style of humor that reminds you of that one friend you have who is simply hilarious. Some people complained that he wasn’t a true stand-up comedian, but I thoroughly enjoyed his act. Very funny, plus he’s from this area, so he had some sort of inside jokes with this audience.

Michael Ian Black was also funny. His style of humor was much drier, and more stand-up style. I wasn’t a big fan at the beginning, because his humor was kind of offending me… Making fun of Jermaine’s family, getting a bit too much into his race jokes… But in the end, I enjoyed his set.

Then Jermaine Fowler told us another story while Craig Robinson’s band set up. This surprised me. I didn’t realize Craig Robinson would be bringing a band out, but looking back at the event page, it does say that he will be providing us with “lyrical humor”. So, that wasn’t a fail there.

The band started to play, which was a bit overwhelming for me. (Fail #3: Audio for the band was way too loud.) They were good, though, and I felt very ready to laugh my socks off. The keyboardist was really cool and there were a few sax and guitar solos. Good stuff.

FINALLY. Craig Robinson comes out, carrying half a case of water bottles. (That was a little weird XD) He sat at the keyboard and started playing…
… and playing…
… and playing…
His intro for himself seemed to drag out. He wasn’t singing or talking much. It was a stark contrast from Bo Burnham’s mantra of “every moment is an opportunity for comedy!”

Craig finally asks us if we’re ready to party. (Yes? Are you ready after your 5 minute keyboard intro?) Then he has a few people from the floor storm the stage. (Does he think this is a concert…? He knows he’s not Jay-Z, right?) He doesn’t let them sit back down, either.

“I’ma f*** y’all like Sandusky!” (Fail #4: This. Line. Right. Here.)
This was one of the first things he said to us. This joke is so grossly inappropriate, I actually almost walked out when he made it. It’s not a one-liner. If you are going to make a joke like this, there needs to be some kind of setup. If he had used his 5 minutes to set up rather than to derp on the keyboard, maybe I would’ve been slightly less offended.

He just keeps going with some singing, on occasion. But in general, he didn’t really sing, he didn’t make any jokes. He summoned a girl to the stage by saying, “Come here, big titties.” (Fail #5: That line.) One of his “bits” was going up to a guy near the stage and then repeatedly pelvic thrusting him, all the while saying “I put my d*ck in your face, I put my d*ck in your face, I put my d*ck in your face.” (Fail #6: Um… humping a dude’s face?) I later found out what he brought out the water bottles for…? He chucked them into the audience. Luckily for him, there were plenty of empty sections and he seemed to be aiming for those. (… I hope he was.) (Fail #7: Endangering us if he wasn’t aiming for those empty sections…) He also sprayed that front section with his water bottle. (Fail #8: Why do people do this. Also, we weren’t outdoors.)

It was terrible. About 15 minutes in, people started walking out.
In droves.

I would turn around to see about 20 people at a time leaving. With an already half-empty arena, this steady stream of people walking out was super sad. I saw our student organizers looking really sad about it. They kept turning on the house lights… which was sad because the arena kept getting emptier and emptier.

A little bit over an hour in, he speaks again, “Who’s having fun here tonight?”
… no one.
He tries again, “Who here feels cheated?”
Hands up all around. My hand shot up.

Then he walked off the stage.
He was supposed to go for another half hour.

I have a suspicion that he may have been too drunk for his gig. Michael Ian Black made a joke about Craig Robinson and his band bringing vodka and cranberry juice backstage and everyone getting drunk together. I don’t take everything that comedians say for a bit as truth, but it was making sense. Craig was slurring words, his motion was slightly uncoordinated.

I hope the organizers are able to get their money back, because if he was performing drunk, I think that’s a violation of contract. Also, he ended prematurely. (Although, I think they told him to do so. Because it was terrible.)

All in all, it was the most disappointing show ever. I almost walked out multiple times. I have never been so let down by a comedian at this school, and I’ve seen so many of them.

Waiting for a formal response from the organizers.