Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Dear Jeff,

I’m disappointed in myself for letting us drift apart the way we have. Even after I moved, I was able to talk to you about anything, any time. You always made time to see me when I would come back to visit, and I don’t think I ever communicated to you exactly how much I appreciated you taking the time to see me for a few hours, despite knowing that I would drag you into a Victoria’s Secret and then run away in an attempt to embarrass you publicly.

Sorry. Thanks for always indulging me in this silly game.

You would indulge me in long phone calls about nothing particularly important, and you would talk to me, really talk to me. About school, about your relationship, about struggling through life. You trusted me enough to tell me the kinds of things that I always hoped someone would trust me enough to tell me, even though I would never wish that kind of struggle upon you.

I can’t pinpoint when it started to happen, when we started to drift away. I do remember, however, our last phone conversation.
It was painful. We had nothing to say to each other.

There was so much silence between us.

I’m so sorry for that conversation. I wish that it wasn’t like this between the two of us. I still always want to tell you when big things happen in my life but I just can’t help but feel like you don’t care as much as you used to. Don’t feel bad if you don’t. I haven’t been a very big part of your life in years, so there is no reason for you to care as much as you used to.

I just want you to know that I still love you very much, as you remain one of my dearest friends. Although it’s unlikely, I hope we don’t have so much silence between us in the future.

I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Love always,

Starr

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Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Dear Leo,

I struggled for a while trying to think of which living person I most wanted to meet. While there are a lot of great options out there, I suddenly remembered my first love: Jack Dawson, brought to life through your unbelievable talent.

Maybe it’s excessive Tumblr-ing, but I’ve found myself getting increasingly upset that you haven’t won an Oscar yet. You had your first nomination when you were 19 years old, for crying out loud. What upset me most is that you’re great. Am I biased because I’ve loved you since I was 6? Of course I am, but my childhood crushes do not affect how much undeniable talent you have.

Your acting has matured with you, but you never lost that magic you brought to the screen because you, Leo, are GREAT. You are great and it pains me that you haven’t been rewarded by your peers for that. Years in Hollywood has only gotten you 3 nominations and one single Golden Globe win. I joke about how you didn’t get an Oscar nod for J. Edgar, but seriously – you played a hotly controversial, closeted, American political figure. How did you not get a nomination for that? Why can Kobe Bryant have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but I can’t put my hand in your handprint? Just… why?

Aside from how I feel you’ve been snubbed every year at the Oscars, I do admire you. You helped me get into environmentalism, and I truly respect your devotion to healing our planet. Even though I know you’ll be missed from the big screen during your acting hiatus, I am glad to know that a worthwhile cause will be receiving more of your attention.

I don’t know much about you, admittedly, and maybe that’s why I want to meet you. I’ve known OF you for most of my life, but I would love to know more about you. My friends who try to bring you down a notch like to remind me of your perpetual bachelordom. Whatever, I don’t care. And I don’t care that you aren’t with Kate Winslet. (I think that’s a really silly fantasy a lot of people have: that you should marry one of your close friends because you two like each other and play love interests in movies.)

I’d be terribly embarrassed if you ever read this, but I hope one day I get to meet you, because you’ve made a lasting impression on me in more than one way and I’d love to thank you for that.

Love always,

Starr

P.S. Also, please teach me to do this:

Day 8 – Your favorite internet friend

Wow, is this a trap? Asking about my favorite internet friend on the internet… where my internet friends dwell?

If we define internet friend as someone who I have never met in real life, I will write to someone I have been talking to more recently and maaaaaaaaaay get to meet one day maybe, if the stars align.

Dear Matt,

‘ello guvna! Thanks for always humoring me when I try to put on an English (or, er, Cockney) accent in attempts to be less threatening (read: more cool) to you.

You’ve been a very good friend to me! You’re a very good listener and also a good sharer, which some people don’t realize is also a big part of a friendship. I’ve really enjoyed learning about you and befriending you, and of course, trying to reconcile the little differences between American and English culture and language.  (And also that the Titanic set sail from the town in which you went to university! Fun facts all around.)

You sent me a whooooooole box of Reese’s peanut butter cups. That was so stellar, you don’t even know. Even though my little brother ate most of them (……) I still felt alllll the love. 🙂

I’m really proud of you. I know the chemistry in university was tricky, but I’m really proud of you going after the culinary arts that you love. Your photos from Shepherd and Dog look so delicious and I hope I’ll get to try one of your wonderful concoctions someday soon!

I REALLY HOPE I GET TO MEET YOU WHEN I VISIT LONDON and thanks in advance for making the trip to London if we are able to coordinate this properly. 😀

Cheerio 😛

Starr

Your “posh egg & bacon”:
Slow cooked soft duck egg with crispy pancetta, smoked bacon foam and soldiers (toast strips in the US)

Day 7 — Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

I don’t have any true ex-boyfriends, but I could write to the person who comes closest.

(Warning: This letter got a bit long, oops. I have a lot more things to say than I thought to this person that I never got to and, unless he reads this, I never will.)

Dear Katana,

Please know that I had so much fun thanks to you. I never planned to spend the summer after graduating high school with a boy I had only known for 2 months, but I’m so grateful for the time we had. It was thanks to you that I was able to attend my prom at all, and I got to have an amazing time at both my school’s prom and yours one month later. I just think we didn’t have enough time together. There was the minor distance that we had trouble overcoming due to lack of cars. And I wanted to stay in my own hometown to go to grad parties and say my last farewells to my school and my friends.

I didn’t tell too many people about us because I had graduated and it didn’t matter enough to tell everyone about it. My friends didn’t believe I liked you, because I was also flirtatious with another boy. (The boy I thought would ask me to prom but didn’t.) I had to tell them that, while I wasn’t proud of it, I liked two guys; while one of them had a year to reciprocate any feelings he may have had and didn’t, you chose to act immediately. I appreciated that so much.

But while you were on vacation, I called you. I didn’t want to have to see you in person because it was a hassle, but also it was harder that way. You told me about Disneyland and seeing Leonardo DiCaprio’s house and how you were getting me Ghiradelli chocolates. I told you that that sounded awesome but maybe we should take a break so that we could focus on our friends and enjoying graduation and our time at home. At the time, you were going to school out of state and I didn’t want to take you away from this time at home. You thanked me for my honesty and consideration, and you admitted that what I told you wasn’t easy to hear.
I think things would have ended a little differently if I knew we’d be going to college together.

I was really disappointed when you started smoking. Not just because of how I feel about smoking but because of how I found out. Your friends, who hadn’t known that I had broken things off, were calling me and texting me and IMing me. They were deeply concerned about you because you had been acting out since you started smoking. I was furious when I found out, because they truly believed I was the only person who could get through to you and that their pleas fell on deaf ears. I called you for the first time in a short while and immediately demanded to know what was going on. You gave me maybe the dumbest reason for lighting a cigarette that I have ever heard, and you were awfully oblivious about the pain you had caused your friends.

I think that was the first time I cried over you. I was just so sad because one of the things I liked most about you was what a great friend you are. These guys looked up to you SO much. They respected and admired you and wanted to protect you. And you hurt them and you didn’t know how. There wasn’t an ounce of ill will between us until this incident, and it wasn’t until this point that our open-ended break was closed.

Your current girlfriend didn’t like me when we were at school, at least not at first. (I’ll admit, I’m still a wee bit scared of her. ^^;) Too many people knew me as your ex, and I had to gently tell them I was just your prom date, out of respect for the very real relationship you have with your girlfriend and also because I’m too proud to admit something like “my first relationship was almost non-existent”.

It sounds mean when I say this, but I mean it as warmly as I can. You have something very real with your girlfriend, and I have something very real with my boyfriend. Our “fling” doesn’t come close to what we have now. We saw less of each other than middle school couples do and we never had a proper date.

But I’m very grateful to you for the short time we had together. You’re a good guy.

I’m glad I met you. I wish you all the best, and I hope we can continue to be friends, even though our paths rarely cross.

Always,
Starr

I’m sorry we never got to go paddleboating here like you wanted.
I was truly looking forward to that.

Day 5 – Your dreams

(I’m going to write this to my literal dreams that I have while I sleep, because those dreams are weird enough to merit a letter.)

Dear dreams,

Dang. You visit me while I sleep and you’re so freaking weird. I often wake up with nothing more than a lingering feeling. Maybe I’ll be eating lunch and suddenly I’ll remember that, in my dream, I was scared.

I don’t even know if there’s much more to say beyond that, really.

You’re weird.

There’s too many tornadoes in my dreams. That needs t chill, it’s freaking me out.
Also train stations.

(The tornado wrecking a train station dreams need to chill also.)

Love,
Starr